The first Newsletter I ever wrote, years ago, was on goal setting. To this day, I still abide by the idea that setting goals is one of the keys to success. It’s like setting a destination on the GPS and choosing the best route to get there.
But as indispensable as it might be, setting a destination or making a New Year's resolution doesn’t guaranty that you will reach your goal.
By the end of January, 50% of all New Year’s Eve resolutions will be abandoned. By the end of 2020, it will be 92%. That leaves 8% of people who fulfill their New Year’s resolutions — the 8% club is very select!
The problem with New Year's resolutions is that most of the time they don’t feel good.
How can anyone get excited about “My resolution is to lose 20 lbs — or 50 or 100… like last year, and the year before”? Or, “This year I’m finishing my project – never mind that it will require hours of sitting at a desk, working hard, and probably feeling miserable.”
Looking closely at them, we see that they imply lots of hustle, effort, strain, and even battles— and very little joy and excitement. They merely become another thing to accomplish amidst a long string of to-do lists.
So, why do we set those goals?
The truth is that we don’t know any better. We only do as we were told growing up ... and chances are it sounded like: “nothing comes easy” or “you have to work hard to succeed.” Maybe in your family, good work ethics and obedience were rewarded, but doodling, daydreaming, playing, or simply enjoying life was frowned upon. Maybe life and society straightened you out along the way— it didn't feel good, and you learned your lesson.
So, how can we change this dilemma? How can we set goals that will bring lasting changes? Goals that energize and motivate us?
In fact, the answer is simpler than most of us imagine: Create your intentions from your heart rather than from your mind.
See, the mind, on the one hand, looks for approval, being right, gaining recognition and status. It wants to be important, and, when the rat race becomes too hard, the mind starts the blaming-complaining-accusing game.
Most of our goals and resolutions come from this well-meaning, yet deficient place of the ego-centric mind.
The heart, on the other hand, is all about meaningful connections, purpose, and expansion.
Your heart is the seat of your soul; it leads to your Higher Self. That’s where work doesn't feel like work, but like play. That’s being “in the zone.” That’s also where miracles happen.
How do we know whether our resolution comes from the ego-mind or from the heart?
First of all, let’s ask ourselves a few questions:
How does this goal feel? Is it heavy or light? Does it make me feel tense or relaxed? Is it uplifting or is it a downer? And if I want to be really honest with myself, do I already know that it’s a lost cause, or do I have a fair chance of achieving this goal?
If your goal puts you down or feels heavy, chances are it comes from your ego-mind. Maybe you want to reach this goal because of something or someone exterior to you: Maybe unconsciously you want to lose weight “to show them” – your ex or your ex’s new partner.
Maybe getting into your best shape has to do with the fear of aging rather than a desire to feel good.
Maybe those never finished projects have more to do with judging yourself (quitter, lazy butt...) than with finishing the project itself.
You know your goal is mind-driven – or ego-driven– when it carries a battle, something hard to overcome, or something to prove, a need to be acknowledged. These goals carry their death within themselves.
You're not alone in this situation. This is the way most of us learn to do things. We bully ourself into doing things. It is the way of the world. And unless we un-learn, we’ll keep making the same costly mistakes.
Your heart, on the other hand, wants what is joyful, loving, and light for you and for others around you. It uplifts you. It doesn’t compare, criticize, blame, or need acknowledgement. It is like a parent lovingly supporting a child on their first steps, their first word, their first drawing. It is endlessly patient. It doesn’t judge, blame, or criticize.
This is the place you have to enter when you make a decision, set a goal, or make a resolution.
Maybe “I want to lose 20 lbs” is not what your heart wants. Maybe it wants your body to feel loved and cared for, no matter how it looks and feels right now, before it can reach its ideal weight.
Maybe “I want to finish this project” is not inspiring, but “I’m so excited to share my knowledge and experience with those who need it most” is.
So, go ahead and rewrite your New Year’s resolutions in a way that feels light and exciting, in a way that makes your heart sing.
If you’re not sure whether your resolutions and goals come from your heart or from your mind, I’ll be happy to support you. Send them to me and we’ll make sure your goal comes from your beautiful soul-filled heart.
I wish you to reach all your goals with joy and enthusiasm.
With Joy and Gratitude,
Véronique Eberhart, Success Coach
Text: (832) 980-3507
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